I think I'm just going to write this here before real people actually start reading my blog.

Do you guys have spirit animals? Mine's a cat. Mostly because I sleep a lot and I can get really needy one minute but then become aloof again once I've had enough of your attention. But keep in mind I'm also choosing to ignore the fact that I'm stupidly clumsy and nowhere near as agile as a cat should be.

But one thing that really establishes the spirit feline in my soul is the fact that my curiosity can sometimes get the better of me - and often times, can literally kill me.

I'm kidding. It just kills my soul but you know.

Think about it this way. Say you have this dog, right? This dog that you've been with for quite a bit of time now, and it's the most perfect dog you could have ever asked for.

Okay good.

Now, you and this dog don't have any secrets from each other, because that's not how you guys do things. You trust and love each other more than anything! Naturally, this also means that you have access to each other's electronic devices and what not.

So, one day, you decide to play basically a copycat of Frogger on your dog's phone because somehow, Disney copycat of Frogger doesn't work on your phone anyway.

Well, your inner dialogue would go something like this:

You: Okay! I'm just going to play some Disney Frogger Copycat now nbd Rational You: No, you're not. Put dog's phone down and play Disney Frogger Copycat on your ipad or something You: I don't have it on my ipad!!! Rational You: THEN GET IT [You keep playing anyway] You: Well maybe if I just take a look at what other games I might find really quickly... Rational You: THAT'S NOT FUCKING COPYCAT FROGGER THAT'S NOT EVEN GAMES STOP NOW PLEASE I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF You: Dog's convos  with a previous owner from years ago? Wait a second... Rational You: Here we go... [Twenty minutes later] You: [soul is dead from curiosity so you go and take a shower and bang your skull against the shower walls for twenty minutes while wallowing in shame, disgust, and self hatred]

Now, suddenly, after a few minutes of Disney Copycat Frogger you find yourself in a devastating wormhole of dog with dog's previous owner from a few years ago. You see that dog and previous owner went out on secret late night walks, went dancing together, and were just happy - for a time at least because now you're with dog and you guys are happy.

You see all these things, and somehow, you want to forget about them but not really because you know that dog wouldn't be dog today if dog hadn't had all these past experiences.

But it bothers you so much because even though you know that what you and dog have is special and way above anything that you both have ever experienced with anybody else, you still have pangs of heartache because you're afraid that because dog has done the things you do together now with someone else before, it somehow makes it less special.

You quickly scold yourself because you know that's not true. Now you can't understand why it bothers you so much in the first place. Dog's previous owner (the key word being previous here) is not in dog's life anymore because now you're dog's owner and dog loves you the most.


Now you're upset over something that's completely your fault - and on top of that - could. Have. Been. Avoided.

And you keep this mental count of how many times you've become irrationally upset this month, and you've definitely reached your limit last week. So now you don't want dog to  know that you're upset because you know it's stupid, but you live with dog.

And dog knows you too well so sooner or later dog will know that something's wrong and you'll have to end up spilling everything, but you don't want dog to think that you were being snoopy because you were suspicious or anything like that because it was nothing like that and you have to explain to dog that you're just a dumb nosy cat inside.

You calm down a little inside because you know that you're going to get over this, and you and dog are the hot shit right now and dog's not going anywhere because dog loves you.  And you are beautiful, smart, sexy, and a fucking fire goddess from the heavenly clouds of Mount Olympus.

Next time, just stick to the damn game.

Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I ever, actually viewed any of my significant others as a dog, something that I own, and everything else along those lines

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