Love is funny
Hi there. It's Sam, back again with the late posts.
I had a few ideas about this post for today, but I think I really want to write this down before I forget it, because I thought of this last night as it was happening.
Today, I want to talk about my boyfriend, Nick.
Now I could say all the customary "girl-in-love things" - which are all very true. But to me, he is far more special than "the love of my life" or "my world."
Let me explain.
I met Nick by chance a little over a year ago, and suddenly, I could put a name and a face to everything I've ever wanted. I see him in cheery blue skies and I feel him in cool ocean waves that wash over my toes. He is warm California sunshine and January rainstorms all at the same time.
How can I put it any other way than he's everything that makes my world dangerous, wildly enticing, and yet, undeniably beautiful?
Maybe it's the way that he views everything as an adventure, or the passion he has for his work. Maybe it's the fact that he moves like a rainstorm and looks like an angel. Or, quite simply, it could be his genuine love for life. Whatever it may be, there is something indefinitely special about him that I can't quite put my finger on.
But then again, maybe it's the fact that I can't quite read him - ever - that makes me fall in love over and over again.
Last night, we watched The Pixar Story, and the one thing that inspired him the most was every one at Pixar's dedication to the cause. How they all worked hard, obsessively at times, to be the best they could be.
He said to me last night:
"Even though it's hard to say no to you, I have to sometimes because I don't want to live my life without ever having chased my dreams."
As much as I know that he loves me as passionately as I love him, and as much as I know we can make it through anything as long as we have each other, a pang of fear still shot through my heart when I heard him say that.
It wasn't because I was afraid that he would spend less time with me. I know that between two people who love what they do, it's inevitable. I wasn't even afraid that he would end up spending more time working than he did with us, as many business people fatally do.
I was afraid because he often worries that he doesn't work enough since he wants to be with his family, or friends, or more often than not, me. I know that his success in his career is a crucial part of his happiness, so I have a lot of guilt for taking up as much of his time as I do.
But in that moment, I was simultaneously anxious of change - and more madly in love with him than I've ever been.
The phrase, "If you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you, they are yours forever" has never been more true to me. Because of his drive to succeed in his career, I am inspired to do the same in mine. Every day, he makes me want to be a better person than I was the day before. I love Nick, and of course I want to have exactly the same effect on him as he does on me.
I will miss Nick when he's working. But I know that every night, without fail, no matter how late either one of us is working, we will fall into bed and into each other - even if one of us has to crawl under the covers a little later.
I will be okay when we can't be around one another because we can be miles and miles away from each other at any given moment, but we are still under the same sky, feeling the same sunshine on our cheeks.
We will text each other kissy face emojis. We'll catch each other staring when we think the other isn't looking even though we're supposed to be working. But most of all, we will always be ready to stop time and take away the problems of the day with sweet kisses and whispers of "I love you."
And somehow, that's more than enough.